Can sex toys be addictive?
Are there good and bad toys? Can vibrators be addictive? And which toys should not be missing on any bedside table? Sexologist Caroline Fux has answered our questions and put together a set of toys that inspire sexual flourishing.
Caroline Fux, what makes a toy particularly tingling?
This may sound banal, but it's when it's fun. And for a toy to be fun, it has to fit a person's needs and ideas. A butt plug may be the greatest thing for some, but if someone doesn't like anal stimulation, then this very toy will literally backfire.
Is there even such a thing as good or bad sex toys?
What has to be right in any case is the quality. Toys that break right away or simply don't deliver what they promise are turn-offs. The feel, i.e. the sensation of touching, plays a big role for many people. Appearance is also important. Whereby tastes are sometimes extremely different.
Can you give an example?
Dildos fit the bill very well. There are an infinite number of materials and shapes. Some people like stylized or exotically shaped dildos, others are more into realism, maybe a very overdrawn one. One person might say, "Ugh! Skin colored with veins!" and someone else finds just that the ultimate in horniness.
What did you look for when choosing sexologically recommended toys?
First of all, I must say that once again I was impressed by what is not available. I know a bit about toys, but there are constantly innovations or niche products coming into the limelight, which in the past you would have had to search for quite a long time to get your hands on. For me, this shows once again how versatile sexuality is.
What were your criteria in the end?
I wanted to put together toys that are versatile and stimulate sensation. They should not be limited per se to a certain sex or a certain sex practice. Above all, they should encourage you to discover, try out and experience. The chosen toys may look unspectacular at first glance, but that is often the greatest strength of a toy. Not only when it comes to sex, by the way.
What do you mean?
Let's leave the erotic context for a moment and think of classic toys. A building block, a ball, a rope or a stick picked up by the wayside can make the greatest games and adventures possible, because on the one hand they stimulate the imagination, but they also encourage you to be completely present in the moment. So the excitement arises inside me and in exchange with the object, rather than at the push of a button.
So one should rather need pedagogically valuable sex toys?
So you "should" do nothing at all. Ultimately, it's about the fun and what you do with a toy. Just like I don't have anything against plastic toys or games, I wouldn't judge any category as bad when it comes to sex toys. With one or the other, you should simply be aware of what it means if you use it very intensively.
Here we are talking about toys that offer particularly intense or exceptional stimulation. For example, electro-stimulation toys or vacuum vibrators. They can be fun, but they provide a kind of stimulation that no one can do on their own. This can lead to the fact that normal touches may not seem as exciting in direct comparison.
So do you get addicted to the toy?
I don't like the word "addicted" in this context. It sounds so negative and dramatic. I prefer to talk about habituation. Besides, it is a fact that especially women with orgasm problems may experience an orgasm for the first time ever with a Womanizer. This should not be devalued. In the end, it is a question of moderation and, above all, whether a person is comfortable with the situation.
For me, a support vibrator belongs in every toy drawer, because it can be used extremely versatile. He is not reduced to a particular sex and you can use it on yourself or on a counterpart. When buying one should pay attention to an easy operation and that the vibrator has different levels. A "voluminous" vibration is often experienced as particularly pleasant. In low levels, so can also trigger a pulse-like effect and thus discover different types of stimulation.
Play tip: When using, don't just think about the genitals. Vibrations can be exciting from the crown to the sole. Not only does a sexual experience become more versatile when you involve the whole body, you automatically take more time. This, in turn, helps arousal continue to build and spread throughout the body.
A dildo is another classic among sex toys. At first glance, it may seem less exciting than phallus-shaped vibrators, but dildos are great if you want to explore penetration sensually and maybe just practice. I have many women in counseling who are not particularly aroused vaginally and would like to change that. Touching the inside of the body with your fingers is important, but for relaxation and exploration, a dildo is often simply more practical. Very important: Bigger is not better with dildos. With smaller dildos, you can target the different zones in the vagina or explore anal sex. If you use a toy for anal sex, it should definitely have a restraining foot.
Play tip: Don't think of the dildo only as a penetration aid. You can touch it, put it on, stroke it over your body. This allows you to explore the topics of erection and phallus without having to engage in penetration. This builds up erotic tension, but at the same time you can take away pressure if you tend to be in a hurry with penetration or generally don't want it right now. With dildos, by the way, it's worth experimenting with different materials. This way you can train your perception.
Blindfolds are great sensitivity boosters. They can create quite a bit of intimacy in record time, but you can also create a bit of daring with them. This leads to a great mix of excitement and surrender. Many people have the experience of being able to let go in a whole new way when blindfolded. I recommend models that can also be used as restraints. This way you have more options when playing. This type of blindfold also tends to slip less than sleep mask style ones, and it's more tingly to put them on each other.
Play Tip: When playing with blindfolds, it's important to agree beforehand what may happen. While it can be appealing to play with the element of surprise, too much tension and excitement blocks enjoyment instead of promoting it. People also react very differently to the topic of devotion. You should find out what suits and is possible in general or simply on the day in question.
Lubricants and massage oils are, in my opinion, the most underrated sex toys of all. Of course, it's not going to get you off by itself if you put them on your bedside table, but couples and individuals can greatly enrich their sexuality if they play with them regularly. Lubricating gels and oils encourage slowness, creativity and presence. This is especially important for couples who may not have gotten along well sexually or have lost track of each other sexually. However, oils can also stimulate individuals to touch and explore at length. I prefer to recommend oil over lube because it interacts especially nicely with the skin. With oils, just be aware that they can make condoms brittle. For the intimate area, simple oil mixtures without perfume and additives are great, for the body mixtures with essential oils stimulate the senses.
Play tip: Take your time with the oil. Of course, a quickie can be fun, but pressing is one of the biggest and most common mistakes in sex. Many people barely take the time to build up arousal and explore the body. In the best case, this leads to a rather moderate orgasm, in the worse case, to pain because you've overextended yourself. Also a nice tip: take really a lot of oil. This can be exciting as an exercise especially for men who use a lot of pressure in masturbation and therefore may not find fine touches so exciting. With an oil and patience, you can increase the sensitivity again.